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The meaning of your communication is the response you get. In other word`s,the effectiveness of your communication is determined by the response that you get from the other person-and not by your intentions (how ever admirable these maybe).

Response-ability in action

Message intended is not always message recieved. It is not enough to MEAN well. Excellence in communicating invovles taking responsibility for you impact on others.

Which means recognising the impact that your communicating is having and varying your behaviour until message is understood.

We are responsive creatures:we cannot not respond to one another.So the question to consider is are you getting the response you want? If not, continue to adjust your communicating untilyou get it.

The opportunities for mis-coommunication

It is a common expectation that it is enough to have the right intention and to tell someone something for them

to fully understand it. However as a 'NLPer' you will recognise the huge range of opportunities for mis-communication:

*Our models of the world are mere approximations of reality - although most people believe that thiers is reality and that 'any resonable person' will have identical model.

*Because of the filtering and modelling processes a person's inner model is very different fromthe reality it represents and it is likely to be considerably different from anyone else's.

*Relatively few people communicate with any real appreciation of the finer points of langauge usage,so the oppurtunities for mis-understanding multiply.

Even fewer people have appreciation of the subtle and cumulative effects of non-verbal behaviour, of the anchoring phenomenon,of representational systems and how people specialise in them, of the feedback loops between people, of the effects of presuppostions, of the effects of the milton model communication patterns, of the effect of their behaviour on the internal representations of others - to name some of the factors that can influence communication.

Effective communicating

Models of the World:

Effective communicating requires constant awarness of the concept of differing models of the world-and how great this difference can be, even between teo people who know each other well and have shared history.

The map is not the territory:

Recognise that the other person is largely responding to their own internal map of the world rather thanto the raw data of the external world.

External behaviour is the result of internal behaviour:

Use sensory acuity and your ability to calibrate to minmal signals to appreciate how they are internally processing you message.

The Meta Model:

use this to fine tune you output, to assist the other person in understanding you, and to assist them in accommodating you message into their model of the world.

While all of the meta model elements are improtant, you may wish to pay particular attention to both your own and the other persons Complex Equivalences and how these match or mis-match.


No rapport, no communication! Rapport is essential- without it you will have little effective influence.

first pace-then assess the quality of your rapport by leading.

In creating rapport you adapt your message to fit their model. Thos makes it more understandable for them and more likely to be acceptable.

Know what you want:

Be clearabout what you want to convey to them.And be clear about what will indicate that your meesage has been satisfactory recieved i.e. what you will see and hear that will prove to you that the ideas,which you are communicating,have been recieved.

Flexability: Keep varying your behaviour- be prepared to continually vary your coommunication until the other person recieves your message. Until you get the response you want. Or until you regonise it is not working.Note: if theydo not want to understand or if what you are saying is unwelcome then you are unlikely to get a favourable response.


Remember that, in addition to their conscious mind, their intuition or 'unconscious mind' is responding to your communication- the whole output-verbal,tonal, and physical.

If there are any contradictions(incongruities) between the verbal and the non-verbal message you are giving them this will be recognised and their conscious mind will register the incongruence as a negative or uneasy feeling about you.

You cannot compete with their internal accessing:

When a person is 'inside', when they are internal processing, you cannot communicate with their conscious mind.

So ethier wait patiently until their attention is againon the outside or do something top interrupt their internal accessing. Other wise what you are saying will not register. Be especially alert to people who tend to access thier internel dialogue or imagery while giving the outward appearence of being attentive..

Views: 159

Comment by Jason B on August 13, 2010 at 5:43pm
Great post.


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